


Catharsis

by arielmagicesi



Series: Pynch week prompts 2016 [5]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: (I think anyway), M/M, Nudity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 17:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7810249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielmagicesi/pseuds/arielmagicesi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything they've been through, they need a night to themselves. According to Maura and Calla, anyway, who've decided to babysit Opal and who say that they need some catharsis.<br/>Pynch week, day 5, prompt: catharsis (obviously).<br/>also yes... it is like two days late... because I procrastinate a lot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catharsis

“We’re taking her,” Maura said. “You two need to rest.”

“I just feel bad,” Adam said. “Y’all are always babysitting her and we don’t even pay you.”

Calla, from the other side of the room, rolled her eyes and took a sip of whatever mysterious liquid she was drinking. “Don’t be a martyr, Coca-Cola. This house has been boring ever since the last wild child left; we need a new one.”

Ronan wasn’t sure why Blue counted as a “wild child” more than Gwenllian, who was probably more of a handful than Opal ever would be, but he didn’t say that out loud.

“Listen,” Maura said. “I’ve been sensing a stressful aura coming off you two. You need a night off. Just spend some time together. Do nothing. Be teenagers.”

“You’re sensing a stressful aura?” Ronan said sarcastically.

“Don’t sass me,” Maura said, matching his harsh tone.

Then, a little gentler, she added, “You both try to be so strong, and you are, but it’s difficult. You’ve been through a lot, and adding raising a kid to that- it’s hard. We’re more than happy to help you out.”

“And Opal’s a damn angel, you know that,” Calla said, a remark that was made more amusing by the fact that Opal was currently methodically dropping each of Calla’s tarot cards all over the living room floor.

Ronan didn’t want to admit it, but things had been stressful lately.

It was August. It wouldn’t be much longer before Adam left for college. And Ronan was beyond happy that Adam was living his dream, but he was dreading how lonely the Barns would be without him. He had Opal, and he had the animals, sure. But he’d gotten so used to this blissful life together.

He was going to miss Adam so much, and the thought of being so lonely wasn’t good for him. And worse, he was having more nightmares. They’d had almost a year to recover from everything that had happened surrounding the fall of Cabeswater, but something about these hazy late summer days, with the thought of Adam leaving soon, was dredging up those awful memories.

“I guess,” he said, reluctantly, “if you’re so fucking eager to babysit her. We could use a night without a fucking fight over bedtime.”

“Language,” Orla said lazily from the doorway. Opal jumped at the sight of her, screaming, “Orla!” excitedly. She was rather fond of Orla, who told her juicy stories about the latest gossip in Henrietta and taught her how to do interesting hairstyles.

“Hey, girl,” Orla said, leaning down to give Opal a hug.

“Please please can I have a sleepover?” Opal demanded, turning to Ronan and Adam.

Adam’s shoulders melted, and Ronan knew he would give in. He couldn’t resist when Opal was actually polite enough to say please.

“Fine,” he said, and Opal shrieked in excitement. Adam turned to Maura and said, “Thank you, really.”

“We told you, it’s no problem,” Maura said.

“Yeah, have a fun date night,” Calla said.

“Jesus,” Ronan said. “Don’t say _date night_. What are we, some forty year old loser married couple?”

“You have a kid,” Orla pointed out.

Ronan scowled and didn’t say anything. To be honest, he didn’t mind the idea of being a forty year old loser married couple.

“All right, brat, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Ronan said, heading over to give Opal a kiss on the forehead. She retaliated with, “Be really late.”

“We’ll try,” Adam said, smiling, and gave Opal a hug. “Good night, Opal.”

“Good night, Adam,” she said, because she was always far more angelic with him. Which Ronan could understand.

Maura leaned in to say something quick to Adam before they left, and when they were in the car, Ronan asked, “What the hell did Maura want to tell you?”

“Oh,” Adam said, looking over at Ronan from the passenger seat. “She said- well, she said that she can sense I need some catharsis.”

Ronan looked over at Adam, eyebrows raised.

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

Adam sighed.

“Nothing,” he said. “Well, not nothing. I don’t know.”

He sounded agitated. Ronan stared at the road ahead, suddenly worried. He’d been thinking for a while about his own worries and nightmares, and now he was thinking that maybe he should have considered Adam’s, too.

“I mean,” Adam continued, “going to school soon- you know I’m looking forward to it- but I’m also- it’s scary. Especially leaving you and Opal. I think it’s bringing up some shit, I don’t know. I keep thinking about…”

They stopped at a traffic light. Henrietta was pretty quiet this time of day, no other cars on the road.

“What?” Ronan asked, looking back at Adam.

Adam’s hands worked over each other.

“I guess leaving you,” he said, “has me thinking about… I almost lost you. You know. In the fall.”

Ronan stared down at his hands on the steering wheel. The light turned green.

“I know I didn’t,” Adam continued. “I know it was shitty for you, too, I know I’m not the only one who suffered-”

“Hey,” Ronan said, looking up. “You don’t have to justify yourself.”

Adam relaxed.

“Light’s green,” he said, and Ronan rolled his eyes and drove ahead.

“Where do you want to go?” Ronan asked, considering now that he had no idea where they were going. “Since we have a free night and all.”

“Hmm,” Adam said, leaning back in his seat. “You know, maybe Calla had a point. We should have a date night.”

Ronan pretended to gag.

“Yeah, let’s go to the fucking movies and hold fucking hands,” he said. “You can get me flowers.”

“We’ve done literally all of those things before.”

“Whatever,” Ronan said, repressing a smile.

“Anyway,” Adam said, “obviously we’ll do something more fun than that. Something _cathartic._ ”

His emphasis on _cathartic_ was clearly suggestive, and Ronan’s face heated up.

“Don’t be disgusting, Parrish,” he said. “Maura clearly didn’t mean that.”

“Didn’t mean what?” Adam asked, feigning innocence. “I meant we should deal with our feelings by going out to dinner and eating too much.”

The sight of Adam’s easy smile set off something painful in Ronan’s chest. God, he was going to miss this so much.

“All right,” he said, trying to bury the knot in his throat. “If you insist. Let’s go to the diner.”

They always went to one particular diner, because it had affordable prices, which meant no fighting over the check, and it had a heavenly grilled cheese. Though they hadn’t been there in a while, since Adam only went into Henrietta for work, and Ronan rarely went into Henrietta at all these days now that Gansey and Henry and Blue were gone.

When they got there, they sat in a booth near the back, and Ronan ordered a milkshake which he insisted on sharing with Adam, and Adam said, “I thought you didn’t want to go on a cliché date. This is like some 1950s romance movie.”

“Not true,” Ronan said, “then we would have been a straight couple.”

“Fair,” Adam said, and took a sip of the milkshake.

It was, admittedly, really nice to go on a regular date. Their feet tangled together comfortably under the table, and Adam’s laugh overtook the slow music from the speakers, and it was so, so nice to have this.

It almost hurt, knowing that it was about to slip away.

Ronan stared out the window while Adam stole some of his fries. Out there, the sun was finally beginning to set over the dusty Henrietta hell-hot day. Thoughts were beginning to swirl in his mind- things like _this is too good to last_ and _I almost lost him, too_.

“Hey,” Adam said softly. “Ronan.”

Ronan looked over at him.

“You OK?” Adam asked.

“No,” he answered, because it was the truth and because Adam deserved the truth and they needed to talk about this.

“Wanna tell me what you’re thinking?” Adam said.

Ronan shrugged, staring down at his hands. Adam reached over to thread their fingers together across the table.

“I’m thinking,” Ronan said, “about the fall, too. I guess. You know, last fall. All the shit that happened. I know it’s been almost a year, and it’s not like we didn’t talk about it already, a fucking thousand times, but I don’t know. What you said in the car-”

“Oh,” Adam said, looking down. “I- I didn’t mean to say that if you’d- that if you’d died, it only would have mattered because I lost you.”

“What?” Ronan said. “Jesus, Adam, I didn’t think you meant that. I was gonna say that- God. I was gonna say that I almost lost _you_ , too.”

Adam looked confused.

“I don’t think Cabeswater would have- I would have been fine,” he said.

“That’s not what I meant,” Ronan said. God, he hated having to verbalize these things. “I meant… Jesus. I meant if I’d died, I would have lost _you._ That was- fuck. That was what I was thinking, when I was drowning in Cabeswater, when- you know when. The next day. I was thinking about Matthew, and I was thinking about you. I didn’t want to die because- I mean- I don’t know- I mean there’s a lot I have to live for-”

Now he was rambling. Damn it. And now he’d probably ruined the whole golden evening.

Adam’s grip on his hands got tighter.

“Ronan,” he said softly. “You don’t have to explain it. I know what you mean.”

The way he said it, Ronan was sure it was true.

The waiter arrived with the bill a few moments later, and they each paid their half, and then Adam said, “Hey. I have an idea.”

“An idea?” Ronan said.

“Yeah. An idea for catharsis.”

“Oh, Christ,” Ronan said. “Don’t tell me your weird sex fantasy _here-_ ”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Lynch, not that,” Adam said. “I have an actual idea. Trust me.”

“What is it?”

“I said trust me. I’ll drive us there.”

“Oh, it’s a place?”

Adam gave him a look, and Ronan smiled. He loved him so much- he loved how even when Ronan was sure the world was something sharp and dark, Adam could turn him like an optical illusion that you had to view a certain way, and Ronan was reminded of everything soft and light.

They were quiet in the car. Adam drove down long country roads that Ronan didn’t recognize, following directions that he’d pulled up on Ronan’s phone, and Ronan wondered where the hell they were going. It was getting darker, and the moon was growing brighter overhead.

Finally, Adam pulled the car over to the side of the road. Ronan looked up out of the window.

They were somewhere that looked mostly abandoned. The area they were parked looked like it was usually used for parking- the grass was flattened and there were some wooden poles that looked like they might indicate parking spaces during the day. Right next to them was a wooded area, an open path leading into it with a trail, and a sign at the edge of the trail that had a bunch of text that Gansey probably would have cared about if he were here.

“What the hell is this place?” Ronan asked, getting out of the car.

Adam got out of the driver’s seat, locking the car, and walked over to where Ronan was standing by the edge of the trail.

“It’s a small state park,” he said. “My elementary school went on a field trip here- some nature-y thing.”

“How’d you even remember it existed?” Ronan asked, because he sure as fuck didn’t remember any of his elementary school field trips.

“I remembered my favorite part of it,” Adam said. “That’s what I wanted to show you. Come on.”

He reached for Ronan’s hand, and Ronan took it, shaking his head.

“You’re really taking me to the woods in the middle of the night,” he said. “Great date, Parrish. Not creepy at all.”

“I thought you said this wasn’t a date,” Adam said.

“Asshole,” Ronan said.

Adam led him onto the trail.

Certainly, they were beautiful woods. Nothing like Cabeswater, but the trees were all different kinds, swaying in the night wind. There weren’t too many mosquitos, but there were crickets, and night birds, all singing. The moon lit the path just enough so that they wouldn’t trip over stray roots or rocks, and Ronan couldn’t deny that a walk in the moonlight was romantic, especially with Adam’s hand in his.

“Any hint where we’re going?” he asked.

“You’ll see it when we get to it,” Adam said. “I think we’re almost there.”

They made a turn in the path, and all of a sudden the woods opened up.

Ronan heard it before he saw it- a rushing cascade of water. Then he saw the body of water stretching out underneath the moonlight, a good ways below them- a lake or pond or lagoon, he didn’t know what it was called, but he knew it was shimmering spectacularly. The waterfall was emerging from cliffs that led high above them into the wooded bits of the mountains, but it fell a good way lower than where they were standing.

Adam stopped once they got to the edge of a cliff, rocky and leading straight down. It was maybe ten feet from where they were to the water.

Adam slipped off his shoes, and Ronan got what he was planning.

“Parrish,” he said. “Are you insane?”

Adam looked up, grinning.

“What?” he said.

“There’s no way this shit is safe,” Ronan said. “How do you know there aren’t rocks and shit down there? And is it even deep enough to jump into?”

“You’re asking if this is safe?” Adam said. “Wow, didn’t realize you were the type to care about safety.”

“Very funny.”

“It is safe,” Adam said. “I read the brochure that the park rangers gave us when my class came here-”

“Nerd.”

“-and this place is safe for jumping. It’s deep enough to sustain a dive and there’s no objects obstructing the fall. We’ll be fine.”

His face was glowing in the moonlight, and Ronan was incapable of saying no to him.

But he hadn’t been swimming in a long time. And now he was thinking about the last time he’d dived into a body of liquid.

“I thought,” Adam said, voice growing more serious, “that this would be good. Cathartic. Because of- you know- what happened. To replace the memory with something better.”

Ronan looked at him.

“We don’t have to, though,” Adam added.

Ronan wasn’t one to back away from things. And he knew Adam was right. And in this August heat and all his worries, he wanted to do this, to fix this, to feel something radiant and alive and to jump into the water.

“Let’s do it,” he said, and took off his shoes and socks. “Should we keep our clothes on?”

“Nah, they’ll get wet,” Adam said, and he was smiling a little wickedly.

“Oh,” Ronan said, eyebrows raised. “Of course.”

They stripped out of their clothes, Ronan leaving his in a mess, Adam leaving his in a somewhat neater pile nearby. Adam eyed Ronan up and down, and Ronan laughed.

“Control yourself for once, Parrish,” he said.

“Hypocrite,” Adam said, which was fair, since Ronan couldn’t take his eyes off of Adam’s entirely bare skin, in the half-shadows, half-glow of the summer night.

“Come on,” Adam said, voice lower, and walked to the edge of the cliff. Ronan stood by him. They both stared down at the water.

Ronan took a deep breath. Standing here at the edge, it didn’t seem as good of an idea. He remembered it in a flash- Opal flailing and drowning, the split-second decision, the burn of acid, begging for air, the pull of the plants and that harsh knowledge that Adam had saved them-

Adam had saved them.

Next to him, now, Adam was also staring pensively down at the water. His hand brushed against Ronan’s.

“You don’t have to jump,” Ronan said, looking down at him.

Adam looked up.

“No, I want to,” he said.

They were standing so close, and Ronan thought of Adam kneeling in Cabeswater, nearly shaking, knuckles white against the stones, commanding the vines to save Ronan and Opal’s lives.

They’d been in such a rush afterwards, and then everything else had happened so fast. They’d never even talked about it, not really. But now they had time, all the time in the world, even if Adam was leaving. And in one go, Ronan knew that Adam wasn’t leaving _him_ , that they would always be together, no matter what.

Adam was still looking up at him.

“I never told you,” Ronan said. “You saved our lives in Cabeswater. When we were drowning. I never told you thank you.”

“Idiot,” Adam said quietly. “I didn’t do it for thanks.”

“I know,” Ronan said. “I just wanted to say that. You already saved my life, and now I feel like you’re doing it again, with this. Thank you.”

Adam reached up and kissed him.

“OK,” he said. “I’m jumping. Wait until I tell you, then you can jump.”

Ronan nodded.

Adam stepped back, ran forward, and jumped.

He disappeared into the water below a moment later. Ronan held his breath- god, god, god, what if he didn’t come up- and then Adam burst out of the water.

“I told you it was safe!” he shouted up, throwing his arms out of the water.

Ronan grinned.

Adam swam a little ways away, then shouted, “OK, you can jump!”

Ronan stared down.

He wasn’t still seeing that night in Cabeswater. He saw a lake somewhere in Virginia, the real Virginia, and summer moonlight and Adam Parrish.

“Come on!” Adam shouted.

They’d made it. They were alive and they’d made it.

Ronan ran forward and leapt into the water.

**Author's Note:**

> So, first of all, I did some minor research on cliff diving for this, and according to the Internet, it is a Very Dangerous Activity. But I mean... I've dived off some not-too-tall cliffs before, and I'm a complete wimp, and I was fine, so I'm not sure what the truth is. Anyway, suspend your disbelief if it's actually for-real dangerous.  
> Also, I know this is two days late, oh well. I procrastinate too much. I'll probably get my day 6 and day 7 prompts both up tomorrow. Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think.  
> I'm also on Tumblr at arielmagicesi and on Twitter at @ArielKalati if you want to talk to me there.


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